The Clown has two faces

I have new set of friends. I consider them as friends but what I am not certain about is if they consider me as a friend also. Maybe they like me because I make things very animated every time we are together. I make them laugh, I make things as if everyday is sunny and bright and I make every get together as fun as possible. But one thing I noticed is that every time we would go out of town, it seems that everyone has their respective seatmates except me. Yes, I would always seat in a bus alone and the person who would sit beside me is always the one who no longer have any choice either because there are no more chairs available or he came late and that his supposedly seatmate already looked for another seatmate. Pathetic me…the group’s clown is seating in loneliness just waiting for the show to start so he could feel at least that he is adored, but at the end of the show the clown will again sit in his chair of loneliness and will just wait for another show. I feel so stupid because it took me a long time to realize this. In fact, It was Jerrick who made me realize this. Last week, me and some of my “new set of friends” had coffee, then Jerrick blurted out his disappointment about the group not listening to him.. Listening in its truest sense. Jerrick is a good guy I must say and very sensitive to the feelings of others… yet he feels that way. As for me, maybe these people listen to me…passively… but are not taking me seriously, perhaps because for them I am just a clown…a clown who just put up shows for them and a clown will just be a clown and should not be taken seriously. But then again, I have this other set of volunteer friends who, despite my being a clown to them always makes me feel that I am important and that I am adored even after the show. Every time we would go out of town, everybody wants to be in the same bus where I am riding. They always want to be seated beside me. They would always listen to all my whims and all my bluffs. For quite sometime, I kinda neglected them, because I was busy being with my “new set of friends”. I suddenly missed my volunteer friends. I texted them, and all of them texted me back saying that they also missed me…I’m going back to them. I know it’s the right thing to do. They are the best friends I got. They accept me as I am. For them I am not a clown, but rather a good friend who cheers them up when they are down and somehow I touched their lives the best way I know how.

Queen plays Doctor

How many times have you wanted to go on a vacation from work even for one day but your boss wouldn’t approve your Vacation Leave application? How many times have you felt you are so burnt out from work and doesn’t feel like going to the office and do your fucking routine at work? Every time I feel all of these, instead of applying for a vacation leave which is always at your boss’ discretion whether to approve it or not, I always go for the more reliable “sick leave”. When you call your boss because you’ll be on sick leave, he cannot disapprove it. The very reason why you are calling your Boss for sick leave is just to notify him of your absence due to illness at hindi ka nanghihingi ng permiso kung pwede kang magkasakit. Pero at isa pang malaking pero, kung tatawag ka sa boss mo para mag absent dahil sa may sakit ka..aba eh kelangan handa kang sagutin ang immortal question ng mga boss na “anong sakit mo? Uminom ka na ba ng gamot? Can you make it on a half day?” Kelangan may bala ka at handa ka sumagot sa mga tanong na ito. I’m going to list dorwn top five na sakit na sureball at walang mintis na pwede mo idahilan sa boss mo na wala syang magagawa kung hindi ang mag “ok” sa gusto mo:

LBM – Parati ko ‘to dating ginagamit na rason for sick leave…bakit kamo? Walang way ang mga Boss para ma-validate kung may LBM ka nga or wala. Alangan namang hingan ka nya ng stool sample at dalhin mo sa office? Kahit na papuntahin ka nya sa Doctor eh hindi ka rin hihingan ng doctor ng stool sample. Wag mo lang sasabihin sa doctor na 10 times ka na dumudumi sa loob ng kalahating araw… baka ipa-confine ka nya at akalain na nade-dhydrate ka na.

Migraine – Isa pang walang mintis na rason sa pag sick leave mo… Bakit na naman? Una, wala pa ring way ang Boss mo para ma-validate kung totoo ngang may migraine ka. Again, kahit papuntahin ka nya sa Doctor at ipa-CT scan ka nya, wala silang makikita… ang kelangan mo lang gawin ay galingan ang pag-arte as if namimilipit ka sa sakit ng ulo mo. Pero at isa ulit na malaking pero.. kelangan consistent ka. Pag sinabi mong may migraine ka eh panindigan mo sa buong buhay mo dyan sa kumpanyang pinagtatrabahuhan mo na may migraine ka. At kelangan mo ring alamin kung pano umaatake ang migraine at kung ano nagaganap sa isang taong susumpungin ng migraine kasi, I’m telling you meron… ang mga true blue na may migraine ay may kakaibang nararanasan kaya nila nalalaman na susumpungin sila ng migraine.

Dysmenorrhoea- Kung girl ka this is another sure ball excuse to go on sick leave… again it’s because walang way to validate if you really are suffering from dysmenorrhoea or not. Pero kung di ka true blue na girl eh wag mo na painitin ang ulo ng boss mo sa pagsasabing may dysmenorrhoea ka or else baka sikmuraan ka pa ng boss mo pag nakita ka nya.

Allergy – Mas magandang dahilan is may allergy ka dahil nag take ka ng Alaxan kasi masakit katawan mo dahil feeling mo ay magkaka-trangkaso ka. Oh di ba ang dami mong na-hit na sakit!!! Allergy at the same time trangkaso. Bonggang bongga talaga yan! Meron po talagang nagkaka-allergy dahil sa Alaxan as a matter of fact me and my sister is allergic to Ibuprofen.

Body Malaise (due to possible flu) – Isa sa mga symptoms ng Flu ay “Body Malaise” or pananakit ng katawan at kasu-kasuan. This does not necessarily means you’ll tell your Boss na may lagnat ka. Ang lagnat kasi ay isa ring symptom ng infection. Pwedeng sumakit muna ang katawan at kasu-kasuan mo bago ka lagnatin. Minsan nasa-office na ko nung tamarin ako magtrabaho. So punta ko ng clinic at nag-arte-arte ako na masakit yung mga joints ko and mga muscles ko. Sabi ko naulanan ako the night before that day, so the company doctor advised me to go on half day and rest kasi she was suspecting flu in the making. Ang flu sa aking pagkakaalam ay isang airborne viral infection which means nakakahawa siya. So para hindi makahawa mag absent..hehehe.


Disclaimer: I am not a Doctor to say that all the stuff I have written here are 100% accurate. What I wrote are Sick Leave reasons I usually use before which I often hear from my staff now. Just remember, naging staff din ang mga Boss nyo noon and they might have use the same reasons…Kungbaga sa kasabihan, papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ang Boss mo, so I’m sure alam na nya yan lahat pero wala paring mintis ang mga rason na yan kasi until now wala pang way para ma-validate kung meron ka nga nun or wala. With that, good luck sa pag-aabsent and have fun everyone!

Self-Absorbed Bitch

I received a comment from another close officemate ( I thought) last week that "I am self-absorbed and that I love putting up a show" I can't exactly remember how the conversation started but all I can remember is that it was an unsolicited remark. I turned to my ever faithful firend and asked them if they noticed me being so self absorbed and that i love "putting up a show", they said I am "masungit".. that I am very opinionated and argumentative...That I am mataray and my distinctive katarayan can catapault Lapu-lapu to his mother's womb..but according to them if that's what my office mate meant when she told me that i am self-absorbed then perhaps I am "self absorbed" but sticking to the real context of a person being self absrobed "Concerned only with oneself: egocentric, egoistic, egoistical, egomaniacal, egotistic, egotistical, self-centered, self-involved, selfish, self-seeking, self-serving." I would say I am not what she thinks I am. I don't know how she came up with her generalization about me but hell it's a crap!!!!!..Now going to the issue that I "love putting up a show" helloooo I am masungit in the office and I am among the hated person here, does that mean puro "ka-plastikan" lang yun? Who wants to be hated in the office? Who the hell enjoys being tagged as "the office bitch"? Duh!!! and then this girl today approached me and said that she noticed that I became distant after she said all those stuff...hello!!! after akong balahurain do you think friends pa kami??? and she also said that I "should not take it too personal" Ano na naman ibig sabihin nun??? Deadmahin ko lang yun? pagkatapos yurakan at i-judge ang pagkatao ko sasabihin na don't take it too personal...what the fuck does it mean??? Hmmmm... Obviously this girl doesn't know what she is saying... Walang credibility..with that the Queen Bitch rests her case.

Trying

For the past weeks I have been busy burying myself to work to forget about some recent dark pains I had. And so here I am agian... past crying and past wallowing myself to self pitty. Life is so silent for me right now. walang masyadong complications, just the complications brought about by work. That's all I am doing right now...work..work..work.. so pathetic. Gone are the kilig moments with a very stupid guy..gone are my sweet moments with my best friends... Kakapanibago, I miss my friend but what can I do? Everytime I'd go home I'd find myself back in the rut and always reminded of what happened there in my bed..I'm alone..they are together...I am trying to rearrange my life. i'm getting a new pad.. i'm scouting for one right now. I enrolled in a gym.. I bought a new Ipod speakers.. I got myself a puppy and think I'm going back to school for PhD (good luck to me)...Right now I cannot say I'm happy...Happiness is not absolute anyway...I'm happy I've got good career..Got supportive friends and family. And oh by the way, I'm back in the dating scene, it's just that I don't think I'm already confident to face committment right now. Committment is such a big word for me now. I don't think I even know the meaning of this after what i have gone through. I'm trying very hard to pick up the pieces of me and bring back my zest to love again. But I'm trying..I'm trying..Really, I'm trying.

Friday the 13th

Gusto kong umiyak ng matanggap ko ngayon lang isang text message galing sa isang taong nanakit sakin recently. The text says "Meet tayo..usap tayo..." ayoko ng makipag usap... wala ng dahilan para mag-usap...ano pag-uusapan namin? yung mga panloloko? yung mga alibis? yung mga pagra-rason? yung mga kasinungalingan? Hindi ko na kaya magpaka-tanga... Nagmo-move on na ko..It's not that ayaw kong harapin ang totoo, pero para sakin enough na ang mga nakita ko at nalaman ko para malaman ang totoo...wala ng kaming ibang chapter na babasahin...pwedeng balikan ang mga istorya pero hindi na kayang dugtungan. Yun na yung ending eh..it may be a good story that has a tragic ending and there is no other good ending for the plot except for the star of the story to part ways and learn the lesson the hard way... It may be bitter and full of pains... but that's life.. and life must go on for me..wala naman akong choice eh. i can't wallow in self pitty or sadness. Minsan feeling ko kaya ko pero pag mag-isa na lang ako lalo pag-uwi ko ng pad na ako na lang mag-isa, umiiyak na ko..parang di ko kaya...pero ang buhay parang showbiz eh..pag harap mo sa camera kelangan you look as if everything is sunny and bright kahit hindi... mahirap magpretend pero kelangan eh... But then to you who have caused me all this pains and troubles... I wish you well. Don't worry I'm ok.. you can't hear anything from me right now kasi that's the way it should be for the meantime, but that doesn't mean kinalimutan ko lahat.. I 'll always cherish what we had.. There is no doubt about the feelings we had. I don't deserve all of these but what can I do? The three of us should move on and hold on to what we have all learned from these experiences... I wish you both well. Thank you.

Salute to the Queen's Mentors

Pasukan na naman sa school... This is the time when I can't help but be nostalgic coz I miss going to school so much... Grade school, high school and college was so much fun lalo na nung nasa Graduate School ako...Sa graduate school ko naramdaman na halos mawalan ako ng ulirat sa dami ng research works, case studies, and tons of assignments adding up all the thing na kelangan ko tapusin sa office. Sa grad school ko natutunan matulog ng dalawang oras araw-araw, matulog sa FX, matulog sa MRT at matulog during your cofee break..at di pa nakuntento pati sa meeting matutulog. Gusto ko magbigay pugay sa mga taong nagbigay ng saya at kulay sa school life ko... mga nagpahirap sakin, nagpaiyak at nagpa-tawa... I miss going to school, I'm contemplating of going back this time PhD naman titirahin ko... good luck na lang sakin.

Professor Prada - isa sya sa mga terror professor sa UST Graduate school (Business). Professor ko to sa Strama (Startegic Policies and Management). But despite her distinctive katarayan and kahigpitan, I have learned a lot from her. Di ko makakalimutan during our graded recitation (parati namang graded ang recitation nya eh) whne she asked me something na di ko masagot, she was so mad and kept on telling me "You're such a lazy boy...you're such a lazy boy!!!" tapos hanggang matapos ang klase ikaw ang tatanungin.. She would always say that a manager should always know what's happening in his office.. that I should not attend a meeting unprepared.. that I should never be caught unaware of even the most minute details of the business. Sana nakikita nya ko ngayon kasi until now nasa-isip ko pa rin ang learning ko sa kanya.

Professor De Lara - Ka-tandem ni Prof. Prada sa pagka terror. Professor ko sya sa Financial Management. Tanong nyo sa mga MBA students ng UST kung sino si Prof. De Lara and You'll hear lots of bad experiences sa kanya... Only the bravest of all the brave ang nag-eenroll sa klase nya.. Ewan ko nga ba kung bakit ako nag-enroll sa kanya.. medyo masochista yata ako... One time nag report ako sa kanya about investments... so kung ano yung nabasa ko sa books yun ang ni-report ko, so nung question and answer na wala akong masagot... eh sabi ko naman sa inyo may problema ko sa math and anything about numbers as usual galit na galit ang lolo mo " Queen Bitch! This is not a beauty contest that you just have to stand up and smile!!! You need to answer questions here!!! eh umandar ang pagka bitch ko at nangatwiran sabi ko "with all due respect to you sir, In as much as I'd like to answer you questions I really don't know the answer!!" lalong nagalit itu at sumagot " then sit down!". Buti na lang binigyan ako ng 1.5.

Professor Cabanda - Prof ko to sa International Trade and Business...feeling ko sya si Manny Pacquiao at bubugbugin ka sa dami ng research work. kakaumay ang case studies na kelangang himay himayin ang halos lahat ng free trade agreements such as NAFTA, EAFTA at kung ano-ano pang free trade agreements.. pero those research works helped me and prepared me for my Thesis. She always tells me that i should pursue a PhD degree and write a book daw on business, management or marketing.. helloooooo!!!! Blog ko nga walang nagbabasa libro pa!!!

Professor Arboleda - mahal na mahal ko tong thesis adviser kong to... Imagine until 11pm nasa house nya ko discussing and doing my thesis. Market research guru itu! Agora Award winner sa market research kaya with flying colors ang thesis ko... kahit na halos gumastos ako ng 100k para sa thesis ko... Iba ang research sa UST di tulad ng ibang school na puki-pukihan lang ang thesis. During my defense full support ang lola mo sakin na kahit na bawal sumagot ang adviser she can't help but comment on the nasty things being thrown to me by my panelist who obviously doesn't have the grasp of my thesis and that what they know about market research are what they learned centuries ago. khait may minus points ako during the defense dahil sabat ng sabat ang Arboleda eh queber!!!

Are you happy?

In her quest to pull me down and make me feel that the reason why I am bitchy is becasue I am not happy with my life, I was aked by my co-bitchy officemate if I am happy. I did not answer the question because, the question was wrong in the first place. The question "are you happy" needs an absolute answer which is either "yes" or "no" and that happiness is not absolute. the question could have been rephrased like "to what degree can you say that you are happy"...if that was the question, I could have answered it with confidence... this was how the conversation goes:

Bitchy office mate: Are you happy?

Queen: That was one of the most stupid question I ever heard... since when did happiness became absolute for you to need a "yes" or "no" answer?

Bitchy Office Mate : Guess you're not happy because you cannot answer me point blank..

Queen: Besides, why do you need to know? Are you god? (full of sarcasm)

Bitchy Office mate: wala lang...

Queen : Wala lang pala eh... next time if you're gonna ask me a question, make sure you have valid reasons for asking sayang lang oras ko...I don't waste my time for senseless and stupid questions. Now let me ask you this question "happy ka ba sa itsura mo?"